Mourning Rere's Clothes
A very dear friend who recently lost her grandmother sent me an email in one of those moments that invariably come up after the loss of a loved one. I would like to share our conversation with you because I believe it might bring some comfort to anyone experiencing deep sorrow and physical loss.
I went to my Grandmother's house today to pickup her things that I want to keep. Her caregiver is moving out today, and my Aunt moves in next month.
A month or so ago, my mom told me that the caregiver took it upon herself to "give" grandmother's clothes (that were in her dresser) to charity. I was pissed because that wasn't her decision to make. My mom said she told her not to give anything else away either. Both my mom and I are too busy and distracted with other things to spend extra time and energy by getting angry about this. But...I'm pissed right now.
When I was there today, I really didn't realize that ALL of her clothes were gone until I went to her bedroom and the caregiver immediately started talking way too fast about the fact that my Mom said she could keep some things and give the rest away. When I told her my mother never said she could give away the clothes in my grandmother's dresser, she admitted that she shouldn't have done it.
Anyway, my point is, as I opened the closets and there was ONE piece of clothing left. It was a gorgeous black and white poncho. So I kept it. Tonight I smelled it and it smells just like my grandmother!! It retained her scent. I smelled it again a few minutes ago and it smelled so much like her that I started to cry.
I'm pissed because between my mother donating ALL of my grandmother's clothes and the caregiver "supposedly" giving the rest away, now the only thing I have left with her scent on it is her black and white poncho. It never occurred to me that I would want things with her scent on them until now. Originally I just wanted a few items of clothing to keep for sentimental reasons. Now that I realize her scent is on them, I really wish I had more.
The caregiver, said she gave the clothes to So Others May Eat (SOME). Why would she be so eager to rush to empty the dresser of someone's clothes that she doesn't own?? I really want my grandmother's hand bags, so perhaps if they're in the charity's store, then one of them might still be there. If it's legit, then I'll find them.
At our age, you and I are still one of the few people that I know who lost someone very close to them. How did you handle things like this when your mom passed? What do you think I should do?
I think you should follow your heart, each of us grieve differently. The only thing I took away when my mom passed was a white ceramic cross my brother Roy made and had given her.
When my mom passed I just handled the business at hand, only crying once. The Friday after leaving the funeral home to make sure she was dressed properly. Thinking about this makes me very sad and tear up.
For one month after I stay with my family that made it easier to bare. So about a month after a came back to New York my sorrow was so deep I couldn't even get out of bed. It was pretty much that way when my grandmother passed years before, now it was my mother.
The one thing that helped me deal with both passing were that they visited me on number of occasions. My grandmother came to me in a vision letting me know she made it over. This gave me some comfort but when she slipped away in the vision it was like a part of my being was being ripped away. I cried uncontrollably for hours.
When she came she had the tomato red substance covering her face that we all had to wipe away. She explained to me in the vision how difficult her journey had been, but how she had made it over safely. We were so puzzled that we turned to each other to figure it out that's when she slipped away from us again.
I later learn in 2013 that the tomato red substance covering her face represented the breaking of the Akashic Egg. Meaning she had completed her life cycles and was freed not to have another one.
My mom on the other hand talked with me through the entire ordeal. She was telling me new jokes and making me laugh throughout most of the time I was home. She kept me in stitches! One of my cousin on my Dad's side of the family asked my why was I laughing, but I told her she wouldn't understand. I did later explain to her that I kept hearing my mother's voice. She was telling me all sorts of things, making new jokes and instructed me about what happened to her in the hospital. She conveyed to me how pleased she was with the arrangements I had made and how she appreciated me eulogizing her.
When I came back to New York, she came to me in the dawn one morning, asking if it would be alright for her to lay at the foot of my bed? I let her know it would be fine.
Since returning to NYC, I had been leaving the light on in my study adjacent to the foot of my bed. I was I bit scared because I knew eventually she would come and reveal herself to me, so I would sleep with the light on. Before she laid down, she asked if I wanted her to turn the light off in my study. I responded no it's OK, then she curled up at the foot of my bed and we both drifted to sleep.
This was one of many visits after her passing. Another was when I awaken one morning to her preparing breakfast for me on my grandmothers old white eight burner stove. She was preparing eggs, bacon and toast and told me I could go wash my hands before eating. By the time I returned from washing my hands she had gone, but that experience gave me great comfort.
I am just stay, there is little that separates us from those we love!!! So even though I had to mourn the physically separation of the crossing over of the two most beloved women in my life, the experience of them being still very close brought me a lot of comfort.
Death does not part us, it's just a different prospective on reality. It rips the veil, we must learn to break the wood and lift the rock. It opens us up to the many dimensions of our power and the universality within our reach.
Even you having her poncho to smell is so powerful, it's a way to experience her in the now. So yes, physically she's gone but she's right their with you always.
Love Beyond Life - The Healing Power of After-Death Communications
by Joel Martin and Patricia Romanowski
Death Does Not Part Us - Conversations with Heaven
An Edgar Cayce Guide by Elsie R. Sechrist
The Akashic Field - Balboa Press
by Sheldon Stoff and Barbara Smith Stoff
c. 2014 All Rights Reserved, Rodney Hughes, Institut Therapeutate